And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
