I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
