Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
