I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
