My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
