So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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