So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
