dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Did you pee in the oven last night??
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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