i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
