So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't deserve a penis
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
