Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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