hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
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I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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