all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
