Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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