he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Boobs are out for the taking
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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