saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
