Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The struggles of a small town man whore
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
