i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
