She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
