Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
