i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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