party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
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could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
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I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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