i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
