There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
