as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
