Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
