You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
