ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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