I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
