My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
