i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
