can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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