A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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