This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
