somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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