In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
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