He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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