First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize