Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
