She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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