Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
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He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
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I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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