Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize