Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
