I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
hell yes lets make some ravioli
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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