he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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