I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
