It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
