you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
