this just has baby written all over it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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