We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
