pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
