So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Randomize
