you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize