I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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