I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
