Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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