Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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