he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
not ubering you a puppy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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