My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
