had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have fence marks all over my body
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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