nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
