do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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