VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
