i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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