is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
